bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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