Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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