I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
