people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
