i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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