I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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