I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
