dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
