Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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