Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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