8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
