the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
