just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
