Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
