I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
