I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
