yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
