i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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