The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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