The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
