I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
