Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
