after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
