remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
