Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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