That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
