Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
