Do vagina's smell?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
