My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
