Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
