i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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