Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
