I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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