dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
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I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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