Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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