chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
