she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
