I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
