he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
