If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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