You're completely useless in the revolution.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
