Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We need to feng shui this bitch.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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