Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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