you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
