UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
