I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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