I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize