I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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