I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
