So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
