Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
