i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
