It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
