So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
