Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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