would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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