my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
