You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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