apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
