It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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