dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
