through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
