he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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