this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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