Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
