i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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