doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
