New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
