So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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